In memoriam
by Imagine69
Summary: Clint, Laura, Cooper, Lila and Nathaniel remember Natasha. And then, they read Natasha's last messages to them.
1. Chapter 1

_Nathaniel_

I never really knew Auntie Nat. Everyone says that she was special - so pure and kind and good and brave. She fought off lots of scary monsters and saved Daddy's life all the time. I couldn't imagine life without Daddy, so I'm very grateful to Auntie Nat.

Mummy and Daddy named me after Auntie Nat. I'm going to make her proud and grow up to be as brave as she was.

_Lila_

Auntie Nat was always a part of my life. Ever since I was little, I'd wait patiently for Dad to come home after saving the world. When he came through those doors, Cooper and I would run at him and jump into his arms, and when we'd said hello properly, I'd always ask if he brought Auntie Nat. He almost always did. Auntie Nat would lift me up and hug me tight, and tell me how much I had grown. She was always so attentive, so gentle. She'd ask me questions about my life and spend time with me. She treated me like an adult and never talked down to me, even when I asked questions that she couldn't answer. She'd always look at me sadly and say "I wish I could tell you, sweetheart, but it's not my place to say. Your Dad will explain it when the time is right."

Everyone seems to think Auntie Nat was a powerful and dangerous badass. I knew that she and Dad had saved each other's lives countless times, and that they were always pushing the edge of danger to protect the innocent. But I never saw her as fierce or dangerous. To me, she was always caring and loving. She made me feel like I was important and always told me to enjoy every moment of my childhood. "Grow up slowly and carefully, Lila," she'd say. "Don't forget that you are precious."

This time, I didn't ask if Dad had brought Auntie Nat. He was already crying, and I already knew.

_Cooper_

I didn't always understand what Dad and Auntie Nat were up to, but I knew they were saving the world. Dad often brought Auntie Nat home with him, and she'd hug me and tell me how brave and strong I was. I'd look up at her eyes and know that she meant every word. She kept secrets from me, but never lied.

As I got older, I started noticing more. When Auntie Nat came home with Dad after a trip, the both of them would always look so tired, and so worn out. Sometimes there would be injuries - a limp here and there, bruised ribs and various cuts to their skin. They tried to hide in front of me and Lila, but I noticed. And there was something else between them - a quiet, unspoken dependence, as if they needed to see each other a little longer, to know that they were okay. Something bad had happened on the mission, I knew, but I never asked.

Because of Auntie Nat, Dad came home safely every single time. Even this time.

_Laura_

When Clint first told me about his new partner, a former Russian spy, I thought he'd gone mad. But then I met her, and I realised what Clint had seen. Beneath the hard exterior, and the darkness, and the guilt, Natasha Romanoff was as pure as they come. Brave and kind with a heart of gold. Soon, she became a sister to us and an aunt to the children. She was family.

Over the years, I began to learn more about her past. In those vulnerable moments, typically after a tough mission, we'd sit on the moonlit porch and talk about our lives. With every horrendous story that she told me with a trembling voice, I grew more and more in awe of her strength and courage. I remember a conversation one night, when I asked who else knew about her past. She said: "Some people at SHIELD, who needed to know. And Clint. And you." I asked why, and she answered: "I trust you. You and Clint - you guys have a way of really seeing me, for who I am now. Most people are repulsed, or worse, they pity me."

Oh, Nat. You were the strongest woman I have ever known. You brought Clint home to me time and time again. You loved my children as if they were your own. You loved me as a sister. And I will always miss you.

_Clint_

It should have been me.

Damn you for being so stubborn. You sent me home to my family - our family, but you yourself disappeared forever.

You saved my life in so many ways. I've never known anyone as strong or as brave as you. You inspired me to be better. You always cared so much about every innocent life, even when it hurt so much that your heart was shattering into a thousand pieces. You never gave up on me, not even when I might have killed you, not even when I'd killed dozens and completely lost myself. You found me and you brought me home. You made me the man I am today.

You didn't want me to leave my family behind. You wanted me to see my wife and kids again, and I did, and I owe you everything for it.

But you left your family behind. Laura, and Cooper and Lila, and even little Nathaniel. Little Nat, your namesake. Bruce, and Steve and Thor. Pepper and Morgan. We all feel your loss, Nat. We'll all miss you forever.

I don't know that we'll ever recover from the grief. But we'll move on, for your sake. I swear, Nat, I will fight for what is right until my dying breath, and I'll raise my children to do the same. Just like you, Nat.

Rest in peace, partner. Your ledger is pure white. See you on the other side.


	2. Chapter 2

They never recovered the the body from Vormir, so they didn't have a proper funeral, but they held a memorial service in the empty field behind the tractor shed. Afterwards, they all gathered around a blazing fire, sharing stories into the early hours of the morning, and Laura freed up the barn so that the attendees could spend the night.

It wasn't until after lunch the next day that all the guest had left. Laura let the kids toast the leftover marshmallows on a revived fire, and handed out the letters.

"What's this?" Clint asked, his voice a little hoarse. He wasn't sure if it was from all the talking last night, or all the crying this morning.

Laura gently touched his cheek. "Nat left these in my drawers with a note to deliver them if she didn't come back. She must have written them before she went to Japan."

Clint's eyes widened in a mix of surprise and confusion. "But how'd she get in-" he began to ask out loud, but soon answered his own question. "Picked the lock. Right."

Laura pressed a kiss to his forehead and moved towards the kids, four envelopes in her hand.

Feeling rather numb, Clint looked down at the envelope. 'Hawkeye' was written on the front in Natasha's distinctive cursive. His heart beginning to race, Clint broke the seal and began to read.

_Hey partner,_

_Guess I'm not so invincible after all, right? I hope with all my heart that this means you're at home with Laura and the kids. That's all I've ever wanted for you. It's everything I've spent the last five years fighting for._

_It doesn't really matter how it ended. What matters is that it happened. That you rescued me and brought me over to fight for what is right. You gave me a life, Clint. What I had before - that was just survival. You gave me purpose, and hope, and most of all, a family. _

_You know, it's actually kind of nice to be writing a deathbed note, if that's what this turns out to be. I get to say all the things I've always wanted to say, and you don't get to make fun of me. It's a win-win situation._

_But all jokes aside, Clint, you gotta let me go. Don't forget me, please, that wouldn't be nice. But don't dwell on it. Don't dwell on the past. Everyone makes mistakes, but it's what you do from hereon that counts. You taught me that, remember? Let me go, Clint. It's okay. I'm at peace._

_You're the best partner, the best friend I could ever have asked for._

_You're a hero, Clint, and don't you forget it._

_With love,_

_Natasha_

Clint looked up, his eyes wet again. But he was smiling. He read through the letter once more, and tucked it away in his pocket.

Over on the other side of the fire, Laura was helping Nathaniel with his letter.

_Dear Nathaniel,_

_You must be such a big boy now! I'm so sorry that I'm not there to watch you grow up. _

_It is my privilege to have inspired your name, but that's not important. A rose by any other name will smell as sweet. You're going to be your own person, and you will be brilliant. You are brilliant._

_The big world out there is a dangerous place, but you can thrive. You're stronger than you know, and you're just as brave as you need to be._

_Be a good boy for your mum and dad. They're going to need your help._

_With love,_

_Auntie Nat_

"What does it mean, Mummy?" Nathaniel asked when Laura had stopped reading. "What about a rose?"

"It's Shakespeare," Cooper cut in.

"What's Shakie-spee-rie?" Nathaniel was thoroughly confused.

Laura gave the boy and hugged and said, "You're understand when you're older."

Clint came over and kissed his younger son's cheek.

"What does it mean, Daddy?" Nathaniel persisted. "I'm older now. Auntie Nat said I'm a big boy."

Clint smiled. "It means Auntie Nat loves you."

A ray of understanding seemed to glisten in the little boy's eyes and he smiled, content with this explanation.

Lila chose this moment to interrupt. "I'm going to read my letter in my room."

"Me too," Cooper chimed in.

Clint nodded, and the teenagers raced off. He turned to his wife and extracted Nathaniel from her grip. "Laura, why don't I put Nate to bed?"

Laura nodded gratefully. She hadn't read her letter yet either.

And so, while Clint told Nathaniel a bedtime story about the time he and Auntie Nat defeated the space monsters in New York, Lila, Cooper and Laura were laughing and crying in their respective bedrooms as they read what Natasha had written for them.

_Dear Lila,_

_My dearest Lila, all grown up now. I wish I was there to watch you grow into the beautiful, intelligent, brave woman that you are. But even if I'm not, that's okay._

_There's so much I never told you, so much that I wanted you to understand. But it isn't important now. Your father will fill you in on the bits you need to know - the way the world works, the way the universe works._

_He'll tell you that it's big and scary out there, but that he'll keep you safe. It's true - he'd do anything for you, kiddo. And he's a real powerful one, your father. But more importantly, Lila, you're powerful too. You've always been brave, and wise beyond your years. Not every little girls has to watch her father disappear for weeks at a time, occasionally appearing on television at the forefront of the worst wars in history. But all of this - it's made you strong._

_I have to admit, Lila, I see myself in you. I've always tried extra hard to remind you that you're special, to enjoy your childhood. It's because I never had that childhood innocence, and I wanted to protect yours. I hope I did a decent job._

_But you're not a child anymore. You're a young woman, and you are spectacular. So now, Lila, I'm telling you - it's okay to grow up. It's okay to try new things and get into trouble and learn from your mistakes. But there's another thing that I have to say to you, and it's really important. It took me decades to learn, so I'm giving you a headstart._

_Don't be afraid to trust. Don't be like me, who never let anyone get close, not until I met you father. It's a big, scary universe, an everyone needs friends and family that they trust._

_So be brave and bold, Lila, and conquer the world. But don't forget to be kind - to others and to yourself. We are human, after all, and surprisingly enough, it's easy to forget._

_I love you, Lila. Never forget that you are precious._

_Yours,_

_Auntie Nat_

_/-/_

_Dear Cooper,_

_I won't lie - it took me several attempts to figure out how to open this letter. __You were always the strong one - Dad's little soldier, Mum's right-hand man. Brave, steadfast and resilient. So it didn't feel right to say 'Hey kid' or 'Howdy junior'. You're a young man now, and I wish I were there to watch you grow up. But that's okay. Because the truth is - you don't need me._

_Your father needs you though. He's always had, and he's going to need you to be strong and brave now, more than ever. Listen to him, Cooper, but remember that he's human too. Did I ever tell you that he once mistook a squirrel for a piece of alien tech and chased it up an down half a dozen trees before I found the real thing and stopped him? The poor squirrel ended up under an upturned bird's nest._

_I know you never had it easy as a kid, Cooper. The eldest, having to look after your mother and your sister, and eventually your little brother, while Dad was away. You're strong, Cooper, more than you know._

_Look after your dad for me, Cooper. I give you a final salute. _

_With love,_

_Auntie Nat_

_/-/_

_Laura, my dear sister,_

_Here we are now, the last page. Well, it's the last page for me because I left your letter until last. Not because I didn't know what to say, but because there's so much to say. There aren't enough words in existence for me to describe how grateful I am for your friendship, and how much I admire your strength._

_You and Cooper - you're family to me, which you well know. You see me for who I am, not who I was and not even who I pretend to be. In some ways, you know me better than Clint. He's my partner, but he is plagued by that terrible curse of masculinity. Sometimes he can really be such a boy._

_I'm at peace now, Laura, because I know without a shadow of a doubt that you're going to take good care of Clint. He can hold his own in a fight, but sometimes he needs some help seeing the big picture._

_I don't know how it ended, Laura, but I hope it was good. I hope I went down fighting for what is right. I hope I took good care of Clint._

_Don't be sad, Laura. Your friendship was more than I ever deserved. It was a bonus, something extra that became so very precious._

_You've got the most beautiful family, Laura. All of you - you deserve each other. And it was my privilege to have known you all._

_Take care. Be amazing._

_Sending all the love in the world,_

_Natasha_


End file.
